sad

posted in friendster...october 17...Today,my puporse of blogging is to make things clear...is already kept in my heart for about 2 days....just being so uncomfortable for it....message to my god-brother and as well as my secondary school friend...my secondary school friend comforted me and asked me dont let this thing affects my external exam that is coming soon after 1 week....i absolutely agree to him....at first i did not want to tell my god-brother about this incident....i told him all the unhappiness that happened on me....and he told me that it was normal but i just couldnt accepted it...but after that,thinking of it over and over again,it was a small matter and it should let my god-brother's brother knew it....cause i told him that im going to hate someone forever.i never expect that he was the culprit...i already guessed it was him to tell out things to my friend.....and it spread through the class....made me feel that so uncomfortable....it was just a gift to thank me and it was instructed by my family....i had no choice but already told my parents not to ask me to give him....but unfortunately my friends all blamed on me that i never bought gifts for them...no matter how i explained to them they just never listened it although i knew that they all were just joking to me....but it was not a matter of just joking to me or not...and is a matter of how i handle my relationship between my friends and it is very crucial in life....i think i could be blamed was just i was being so unlucky....haiz...haiz....
now,when i see him is very paiseh cause that incident already happened and he had already knew that....i heard that he told his friend that i gave a gift for him....and i knew that his friends all looked at me....what should i do just accepted it.....my friends all said that he was not bad and did not have girl-friend....haiz.....in this stage i no need to find a boyfriend for myself and it should mainly on studies.....i dont like him.....it was very weird that we both dont talk to each other in my neighbour's car....cause i dont know what should i suppose to begin my conversation.....acutally i dont like to be teased by my friend....i do not cared what people judge on me....more or less there will be negative views on me....but this things are unimportant to me and i should focus on my studies and dont like this things get near me.....so why the reason i keep quiet in school....actually im not a person that is very quiet....i like to share to my secondary school friends about how i have been in my college now....when i feel that i need to tell things to my friend i will tell but mostly i wont tell secret to my friends...im afraid it will spread around....i like my 3 brothers....2 are god-brothers.....they are really very very concerning me.....thanks a lot to them....whenever i am down and not happy i will sure be the first one to tell my 2 god-brothers....they will definitely comfort me and give me some ideas on what should be done and what should not....i hope that i can talk to him next time and wouldnt be a barrier in between....i think that's all for today...tata!!